316

They're baaaaaaa-ack. Months and months after we first heard bearded Jack screaming at Kate "We have to go baaaaack!" the O6ers (in one form or another) have finally made it back to the island.

This week's semi-Jack-centric episode, titled "316" for more than one obvious reason (more on that later), picked up right where we left off in last week's "This Place is Death": in the church above Ms. Hawking's secret lair, which we later find out to be an off-island Dharma station named "The Lamp-Post."

Now, like everything else in LOST, the naming of this station is not random and coincidental. It has been largely speculated that the naming of this station is a nod to C.S. Lewis' (and no, I don't mean Charlotte Staples Lewis) The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, in which the lamp-post marks the return to Narnia. In Lewis' work, the lamp-post is the first thing the children see when they stumble out of the wardrobe and into the mythic world of Narnia. Similarly, when the children become lost (LOST!), the lamp-post serves to guide them back home. God, I love this show.

Moving on, Ben, Jack, Sun, and Desmond follow Ms. Hawking down to The Lamp-Post, where Ms. Hawking proceeds to spew her theories on how the O6ers can make it back to the island. She also gives us a few other goody tidbits: The Island was always moving. "Why do you think you were never rescued?" Ms Hawking, all-knowing, intones. Desmond, however, wants no part of it; as incredulous as he is that these fools want to go back to the island, he becomes even more enraged when Ms. Hawking has the audacity to suggest that he, too, will one day find himself back on the Island once again. His outburst "These people are just using us! They are playing some kind of game and we are just the pieces!" just before storming out in a huff prompts her ominous "The island isn't done with you yet, Desmond!" (Sidenote: I would love to see some blooper footage of this dramatic scene that involves Desmond getting knocked out or over by that swinging pendulum, because, clearly, that was all I was thinking about while he nonchanantly strode through the door, apparently oblivious to aforementioned pendulum.) Desmond's claim may not be far off-base, though, because seriously, how many times have we all been duped by these characters?! Ms. Hawking even says so herself when questioned by Jack as to whether or not Ben is telling the truth (in what I dub the Line of the Night): "Probably not."

Well, duh! Ben is NEVER telling the truth! Example? OK! When Jack asks him, "How can you read?" whilst they're hurtling toward the time-jumping island (apparently now located near Guam), Ben cooly replies, "My mother taught me." Oh yeah, Ben? Your mother taught you?! The same mother WHO DIED WHILE GIVING BIRTH TO YOU? Is it physically impossible for Ben to tell the truth? Because I'm starting to be waaaaaay over this. Also, people are drawing many theories from what it actually was that Ben was reading on that flight. While Ben was turning the pages on James Joyce's Ulysses, based on the epic poem by Homer, "Odesseyus," in which an ill-fated sailor tackles many obstacles trying to make his way back home to his beloved wifey, Penelope (sound like anyone else we know?!), LOST theorists were spinning their own thoughts, most of which were waaaay over my head.

But speaking of Penny, what's she been up to? It would seem that Ben's ominous "I have to take care of some outstanding business" schtick would seemingly involve him making good on his promise to Chucky Widmore to bring Penny to a premature demise. Did things not go too well for him in that attempt, and was that why he was all banged up and sling-sporting on the plane, or did he, alternatively, have a run-in with Smokey? My bet is on the former...

Other mysteries loom in this episode, too. Like for instance, how horrible a mother is Sun? Did she not just tell her daughter Ji-Yeon that she'd be home soon, then the next minute is hopping a plane to "Guam"? And speaking of horrible mothers, WTF is wrong with Kate? What did she do with/to Aaron? (My thinking is that she's all despondent-like because she found herself forced to drop him off with her mother, with whom she still has serious issues. Either that, or she tracked down Cassidy and Clementine, and is brooding over lost-love Sawyer again. MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND, WOMAN!) And really, Jack, were you just so absolutely not endeared by YOUR NEPHEW in the least, that if Kate agreed to have sex with you, you'd totally honor her request to never ever ever ask about Aaron? You're such a putz, I swear. Also, how did Hurley and Sayid know about the plane? How did Hurley get out of jail in time to get on the plane? And even though Ben's response to Jack's inquiry about what would happen to the rest of the passenger's on the plane was a chilling "Who cares?!" I would actually like to know that myself. Did they, along with the guy behind Jack in line at the airport and the female corrections officer escorting Sayid somewhere, decide to go all commando-like and shoot up Sawyer and Juliet on their outrigger? (Recall, if you will that the second boat on the beach a few weeks back had an Ajira Airlines water bottle in it...) Did Ben know in advance that this was how he would get back to the island, and was that why he had Kate and Sawyer helping to build a runway back when they were the Others' prisoners in season 3? How convenient is it that Locke and Jack's dad wear the same size shoe?!

Whew.

OK, now, let's talk about flight 316, and the claim Ms. Hawking made that the O6ers had to recreate, as closely as possible, the circumstances and siuations that got them to the island in the first palce...

First of all, flight 316. Is the flight number some thinly-veiled reference to one of the Bible's most recognized passages?: "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." Does this further the idea that the Christian Shepherd himself has sent HIS only begotten son, Dr. Jack, back to the island to be the salvation of the rest of the survivors?

Ok, now onto the O6ers themselves. With Ms. Hawking's claim to remain as true to the circumstances surronding their original trip to TimeTrip Island ringing fresh in their ears, we got a nice dose of it in the end. Playing the role of the pilot: everyone's favorite helo guy, Frank Lapidus! (Sans nasty beard.) Playing the role of Katie Fugitive: Sayid, handcuffed and escorted by a (supposedly armed -- remember my claim that she later goes a'shootin' at Sawyer and Juliet? Well, she's gonna need a gun for that, isn't she?) federal agent. Playing the role of Hurley: Ben, arriving late and at the last possible second before the plane takes off. Hurley, then, seems to be playing the role of Charlie, armed with a guitar case that he's later found floating with after they get back to the island. Playing the role of Jack and Sun.... um, ... Jack and Sun. So, with Sayid playing Kate's role, who does Kate play? My theory is that, after her little tryst with Jack the night before, Kate is playing the role of Claire, who, on flight 815, was pregnant. This could also explain why the presence of Baby Aaron is now a moot point.

When all is said and done, at the end of "316" we find at least half of our group made it safely to the island. Similar to the very first few minutes of the series, Jack wakes up in the jungle, but instead of a lacerated left side and an expression of confusion, Jack, leaving behind his sullen, we-have-to-go-baaaaack! ways, and now back to Resident Island Hero status, runs through the jungle to the sound of Hurley's shouts, with a little expression of glee. Jack is back, folks. About damned time.

OK, this post is waaaay long, but a few other points, in no particular order:

• I'm glad Jack finally explained the white running shoes. I died a little on the inside every time I saw Christian wearing them with a suit.
• Jin! ... is working for the Dharma Initiative? Whaaaa? Just where did this little trip through time take us, and by that, I mean to what year?
• Jack's a Man of Faith! Also, about damned time. I secretly enjoyed Locke's stick-it-to-ya "I told you so" suicide note to Jack.
• Yes, Jack, I, too, feel like Locke is somewhere, laughing his ass off at you.
  
• "Where is the plane?" is a very good question, Kate. Did the 6 of them simply disappear off the plane, or did the plane go down? We all know Lapidus' previous claim that he's a damned good pilot, so did he manage to make it to that makeshift runway?
• Where are Sun and Sayid?

Overall, I thought this was an AWESOME episode, and I'm equally excited for next week's "The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham." More answers, please!!