He's Our You/What Happened, Happened

At this point, I'm sure my apologies are falling on deaf ears. But if you ONLY KNEW the week I had, I'm sure you could find it in your cold, blackened hearts to forgive me.

So, since I'm waaay behind on the one true love in my life, (sorry, Ian, but I've accepted that I'll always be #2 to BSG, so you'll have to accept that LOST comes first), I'll apologize in advance for my condensed recaps of the Sayid-centric "He's Our You," and last week's magnificent, Kate-centric "What Happened, Happened."

OK. Dive in.

After busting a cap in some Unknown's a**, Sayid meets Ben in the alley somewhere in uh...Russia? (It's been two weeks, give me a break), where Ben tells him, "That's all, folks!" Killing in the name of protecting the Left-Behinders has come to a close. Move on with your life, Sayid. But, see, that's the thing: all his life, Sayid has only ever been a killer. Enter self-realization guilt. Whilst Sayid drinks away said guilt, he gets chatted up by some hottie all up in his bidness, then they go get it on, and she BEATS THE CRAP OUT OF HIM and we realize (and by "we" I mean "Sayid" since we all recognized Ilana from Ajira flight 316) that this chick is a bounty hunter who has tracked Sayid down for the murder of That Guy on the Golf Course, and is delivering him to said Guy's family to answer for said cold-blooded murder.

Irony/coincidence/luck has never bothered our favorite Iraqi before, but as he boards the plane with Crazy Ass Bounty Hunter, he notices his fellow O6ers, and begs to take the next plane. No such luck, Sayid, no such luck.

OK, let's fast-forward a bit. Sayid gets to Island, circa 1977. Runs into Jin and Dharma peeps. Is mistaken for a hostile. Thrown in jail cell. Is given a tuna sandwich by 12-year old Ben. Argues with Sawyer, king of Dharmaville over whether or not to run away, leave, and never return. Doesn't. Gets tortured by Hippie Guy With Drugs Who Lives In a Tent. Says he's from the future, and pisses off the Dharma peeps. Gets all "gonna-bust-you,-Ben's-dad-you-best-watch-yo'self." Gets broken out of jail by Ben in return for his promise to deliver him to the Others. Ben and Sayid flee into Jungle. Get stopped by Jin. Puts ninja moves on Jin, rendering him unconscious. Shoots Ben, runs into jungle.

OMG, HE KILLED BEN! (That bastard! Ha. Sorry. Wrong show.)

So much for that stipulation by Faraday not to eff with events that already occured.

After "He's Our You" aired, I was fully onboard with Doc Jensen's theory, recapped (sans crazy ramblings, as he is wont to do)

What if Young Ben neither lives nor dies in this episode but instead...falls into a coma? What if the rest of season 5 proceeds with the tension of knowing (and worrying) that should Ben die, history-negating paradox may occur? [...] What if the final season of Lost will tell the story of the all-new, all-different, Ben-free history of the castaways, which will include a moment where Jack and Sayid find ''one of them'' in Rousseau's nets, and when they go and investigate, they will find a guy that they don't recognize, a guy who will call himself ''Henry Gale,'' a guy who was always meant to be on the Island and rule the Others instead of Ben, a guy we know as...John Locke?

Creepy, huh? Don't you love it?!

So this past week's Kate-centric "What Happened, Happend" showed us, exactly, what happened to the-child-after-whom-I-did-NOT-name-my-own-child. It seems the long-speculated-upon helicopter whisper from Sawyer to Kate was, as most predicted, a plea to check in on his daughter, Clementine. And surprise! You know Clem's mom! And surprise again! You'll end up being BFF.

In her blunt manner, Dimples (Cassidy) tells Freckles (Kate) that Aaron is currently filling the void Sawyer left when he leapt from the "airpane." (Ian, to his chagrin, has yet to teach our son the difference between fixed-wing and rotor aircraft.) Um, ok, but the fierceness with which Kate loves that kid is almost tangible. I buy into Cassidy's theory just slightly.

Why, you ask? Here's why: When Kate was saying goodbye to sleeping Aaron--she MEANT it. Her "bye-bye, Baby" almost sent me into convulsions. And it definitely made up for the feeling of wanting to smack the I-can't-decide-juice-or-milk kid. (Juice, kid. Juice.)

So while Sawyer later claims that he's grown up a lot in the three years since Kate and Co. left the building, I'll also wager that Kate's done a bit of maturing, as well. Her maternal instinct, (so we'll call it, since I know, Aaron's not her kid) has kicked in, in full. And although she knows who Ben will grow up to be, she, like Juliet (to whom I'm starting to feel more and more attached--I'll be pissed if, according to rumor, they kill her off at the end of the season), can't stand by and watch an innocent child suffer.

My only remaining question is this: Was Sayid having an off-night? He's had no problem with his aim heretofore. Or would The Island not let Ben die? Hmm...

P.S. I vote for a Hurley-Miles spin off!! Loved it!

Namaste

Quick hits, because I barely have time to BREATHE:

• I must be getting on in my old age, because I just realized that Sun and Co. didn't land in 1977 like the others. Well, not THE Others, but you know, those other people. Good lord, this could get confusing quickly. Why didn't Sun and Ben (and Locke, too, I suppose) disappear off of Ajira 316 and land in 1977? Um...I don't know. 
• Creepy Christian Shepherd is hangin' in 2007, site of the recently blown-up-by-freighter-mercenaries Dharma neighborhood. WHY IS THIS GUY EVERYWHERE?
• Before abandoning us to go have a baby (lame excuse), Kristin let it slip that LOST will be featuring a WEDDING close to or during the season finale this year. Place your bets: I'm going with Jim and Juliet. Suck it, Kate.
• Amy named her baby Ethan. I'm assuming this ends up being the same Ethan that later kidnaps pregnant Claire, leaves Charlie hanging from a tree, recruits Juliet to the Island, and eventually gets shot by Charlie (not in tree). And Juliet helped bring that little bundle 'o joy into the world!
• Maybe it's me, but I'm getting a little frustrated with the characters on this show who get the most basic answers to HUGE questions, and don't seem all too interested in ASKING FOLLOW UP QUESTIONS!! Example: When Sawyer mentions Faraday's Rules for Living in the Past, Jack asks, "Faraday? He's still here?" Sawyer replies, "Not anymore." And the convo is finished! Infuriating.
• When the plane was crashing, did anyone else notice that the automated voice was spouting off the numbers?!
• Ha. "Based on your aptitude tests, you'll be doing janitorial work." Good to know that medical school can get you far in life, Jack. 
• Sawyer/James/Jim (I'm not a fan of these characters having multiple names...like this show isn't confusing enough!) called Kate...well, Kate. He's only ever called her by her real name when things aren't going well. Where's the love, Sawyer?
  

Next week's "He's Our You" is Sayid-centric. Hopefully, life will slow down a bit before then!

LaFleur

Yeah, yeah, I suck. Get over it.

OK, so anyway, last Thursday's Sawyer-centric "LaFleur" was LEAPS and BOUNDS ahead of its weekly predecessor, "316." There was romance, action, suspense, humor, intrigue (obvi), and, holy crap, AN ANSWER OR TWO!

Thanks to Locke locking (haha, me funny) the wheel in place, the Left-Behind-ers are no longer skipping through time like a stone across the placid lake surface (heeee-ey, girlfriend's gettin' all poetic!). They have finally come to a rest--and as Daniel (still mourning the loss of Red) says, "the record is no longer skipping. We're just on the wrong song." So instead of Maroon 5, we're kickin' it to Geronimo Jackson. On their way back to the beach, (quote of the night goes to Miles for his stunning insight: "...[and] when you get [to the beach], you'll want to go back to the Orchid again, and when that gets boring, we can head back to the beach. It's the only 2 plans you people have.") they run across a damsel in distress. The Hostiles have already managed to kill Paul, and are on their way to doing the same to Amy when Sawyer steps in with his trusty rifle to lend a hand. After he and Juliet take them out, a fearful Amy blathers on about burying the bodies to uphold the pact, blah, blah, blah, then gives the old fake-out at the sonic fence. When the crowd comes to, Sawyer has adopted the story that the group is shipwrecked, and his name is LaFluer. Jim LaFluer. 

Sawyer's epic narrative is basically based on the fact that now that the whole time travelling thing has run its' course, they'll just wait the 30 years it will take for the rest of the crew to get back.

What kind of crazy leadership is that?! Jack would NEVER do something like that! Pshaw. 30 years, my foot. I'd leave your ass, and make my way back to the beach. (Which, as Miles noted is always Plan B.)

Juliet's feeling the same way too, ready to take the next sub outta CrazyTown, but Sawyer looks at her all nice-like and she decides to stay for two weeks. Meanwhile, 3 years later...

...Sawyer, ahem, excuse me, Jim LaFleur, is now head of security for the Dharma Initiative, and Juliet's a mechanic. (Which was, obviously, her second choice after becoming a baby scientist doctor gal.) Oh, and they love each other. Suliet (followers of this blog have learned not to dub these two "Jawyer," for they run the risk of having their sexuality questioned...), in the past three years, have fallen in love, shacked up, and Sawyer has forgotten what old whatsherface even looks like. 

Except, oh yeah, she's back, and that's right, THAT'S what she looks like!

And, she looks so good that Sawyer has to take his glasses off to make sure. 

Barf. OK, Damon. Kate loves Jack, and Sawyer loves Juliet. Let's just leave well enough alone, and NOT MESS WITH THIS, mmkay?!

Ahhh... what else? Oh, lots of Egyptian symbology showing up. We got a glimpse of the 4-toed statue (at least, we're assuming so) from behind, and multiple sources are placing it in Egyptian mythology and drawing parallels between that and the hieroglyphics in the hatch, and on the timer, and on that map drawn on the door, and making all these connections that go way over my head. Please enlighten me if you have a theory on this.

Next week is a repeat, s hopefully, y'all won't string me up when I don't post anything for a week or so. BUT, when LOST comes back in two weeks, we'll get some more Reiko, and some Young Ben! Namaste! (Which, by the by, is the name of the episode.) Until next time...

The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham...

...was completely boring.

Apologies for the tardiness of this recap. Things have been a bit crazy this week.

So anyway, it seems that I am in the minority on this one. I thought "The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham" pretty much gave us nothing that we didn't already know (or assume). Surprised when Locke showed up alive on the island after the Ajira Airways crash? Nope. And really, there wasn't all that much going on anyway. Locke goes to visit Sayid. Asks him to come back to the island. Sayid says no. Goes to visit Kate. Asks her to come back to the island. She says no. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Furthermore, I'm not even sure Locke dropped his pseudonym when he visited any of those people. So why the secrecy with his name? Why, when Walt visited Hurley in the institution last year, did he say "Why aren't we calling him by his real name" or something to that effect? Makes me think the producers didn't include ALL of Locke's journey.

But the stuff they did include was rather boring, truth be told. Raise your hand if you really cared about what happened to Helen? Bueller..... Bueller.....? (Raise your hand if you even REMEMBER what she looked like!)

What did we get? Uh...Abaddon is the devil. Like, for real. Some sort of mythological character, ushering people to their deaths or something. Charles Widmore is a good guy, Ben is the bad guy? Or Ben is the good guy, and the Chuckster is evil? I don't know. Lapidus took off in an outrigger after Ajira crashed. Wanna bet Sun is with him? (There goes my theory that Cesar and Ilana, or so they're named, were the ones pursuing Sawyer and Co.!)

So, after nothing happens, Locke tries to hang himself. Ben shows up just in time to talk him off the ledge, then kills him himself. Seemingly, as soon as Locke name dropped Eloise Hawking, Ben felt it necessary to strangle him. But other sources are going with the notion, that similar to Michael, the island won't let John commit suicide. 

Whatever. Boring!

Here's hoping that next week's "LaFleur" is a little bit more blog-worthy. I hope so! Reiko Aylesworth (a.k.a. Michelle Dressler from 24) starts her recurring character arc. Weeeee!

316

They're baaaaaaa-ack. Months and months after we first heard bearded Jack screaming at Kate "We have to go baaaaack!" the O6ers (in one form or another) have finally made it back to the island.

This week's semi-Jack-centric episode, titled "316" for more than one obvious reason (more on that later), picked up right where we left off in last week's "This Place is Death": in the church above Ms. Hawking's secret lair, which we later find out to be an off-island Dharma station named "The Lamp-Post."

Now, like everything else in LOST, the naming of this station is not random and coincidental. It has been largely speculated that the naming of this station is a nod to C.S. Lewis' (and no, I don't mean Charlotte Staples Lewis) The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, in which the lamp-post marks the return to Narnia. In Lewis' work, the lamp-post is the first thing the children see when they stumble out of the wardrobe and into the mythic world of Narnia. Similarly, when the children become lost (LOST!), the lamp-post serves to guide them back home. God, I love this show.

Moving on, Ben, Jack, Sun, and Desmond follow Ms. Hawking down to The Lamp-Post, where Ms. Hawking proceeds to spew her theories on how the O6ers can make it back to the island. She also gives us a few other goody tidbits: The Island was always moving. "Why do you think you were never rescued?" Ms Hawking, all-knowing, intones. Desmond, however, wants no part of it; as incredulous as he is that these fools want to go back to the island, he becomes even more enraged when Ms. Hawking has the audacity to suggest that he, too, will one day find himself back on the Island once again. His outburst "These people are just using us! They are playing some kind of game and we are just the pieces!" just before storming out in a huff prompts her ominous "The island isn't done with you yet, Desmond!" (Sidenote: I would love to see some blooper footage of this dramatic scene that involves Desmond getting knocked out or over by that swinging pendulum, because, clearly, that was all I was thinking about while he nonchanantly strode through the door, apparently oblivious to aforementioned pendulum.) Desmond's claim may not be far off-base, though, because seriously, how many times have we all been duped by these characters?! Ms. Hawking even says so herself when questioned by Jack as to whether or not Ben is telling the truth (in what I dub the Line of the Night): "Probably not."

Well, duh! Ben is NEVER telling the truth! Example? OK! When Jack asks him, "How can you read?" whilst they're hurtling toward the time-jumping island (apparently now located near Guam), Ben cooly replies, "My mother taught me." Oh yeah, Ben? Your mother taught you?! The same mother WHO DIED WHILE GIVING BIRTH TO YOU? Is it physically impossible for Ben to tell the truth? Because I'm starting to be waaaaaay over this. Also, people are drawing many theories from what it actually was that Ben was reading on that flight. While Ben was turning the pages on James Joyce's Ulysses, based on the epic poem by Homer, "Odesseyus," in which an ill-fated sailor tackles many obstacles trying to make his way back home to his beloved wifey, Penelope (sound like anyone else we know?!), LOST theorists were spinning their own thoughts, most of which were waaaay over my head.

But speaking of Penny, what's she been up to? It would seem that Ben's ominous "I have to take care of some outstanding business" schtick would seemingly involve him making good on his promise to Chucky Widmore to bring Penny to a premature demise. Did things not go too well for him in that attempt, and was that why he was all banged up and sling-sporting on the plane, or did he, alternatively, have a run-in with Smokey? My bet is on the former...

Other mysteries loom in this episode, too. Like for instance, how horrible a mother is Sun? Did she not just tell her daughter Ji-Yeon that she'd be home soon, then the next minute is hopping a plane to "Guam"? And speaking of horrible mothers, WTF is wrong with Kate? What did she do with/to Aaron? (My thinking is that she's all despondent-like because she found herself forced to drop him off with her mother, with whom she still has serious issues. Either that, or she tracked down Cassidy and Clementine, and is brooding over lost-love Sawyer again. MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND, WOMAN!) And really, Jack, were you just so absolutely not endeared by YOUR NEPHEW in the least, that if Kate agreed to have sex with you, you'd totally honor her request to never ever ever ask about Aaron? You're such a putz, I swear. Also, how did Hurley and Sayid know about the plane? How did Hurley get out of jail in time to get on the plane? And even though Ben's response to Jack's inquiry about what would happen to the rest of the passenger's on the plane was a chilling "Who cares?!" I would actually like to know that myself. Did they, along with the guy behind Jack in line at the airport and the female corrections officer escorting Sayid somewhere, decide to go all commando-like and shoot up Sawyer and Juliet on their outrigger? (Recall, if you will that the second boat on the beach a few weeks back had an Ajira Airlines water bottle in it...) Did Ben know in advance that this was how he would get back to the island, and was that why he had Kate and Sawyer helping to build a runway back when they were the Others' prisoners in season 3? How convenient is it that Locke and Jack's dad wear the same size shoe?!

Whew.

OK, now, let's talk about flight 316, and the claim Ms. Hawking made that the O6ers had to recreate, as closely as possible, the circumstances and siuations that got them to the island in the first palce...

First of all, flight 316. Is the flight number some thinly-veiled reference to one of the Bible's most recognized passages?: "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." Does this further the idea that the Christian Shepherd himself has sent HIS only begotten son, Dr. Jack, back to the island to be the salvation of the rest of the survivors?

Ok, now onto the O6ers themselves. With Ms. Hawking's claim to remain as true to the circumstances surronding their original trip to TimeTrip Island ringing fresh in their ears, we got a nice dose of it in the end. Playing the role of the pilot: everyone's favorite helo guy, Frank Lapidus! (Sans nasty beard.) Playing the role of Katie Fugitive: Sayid, handcuffed and escorted by a (supposedly armed -- remember my claim that she later goes a'shootin' at Sawyer and Juliet? Well, she's gonna need a gun for that, isn't she?) federal agent. Playing the role of Hurley: Ben, arriving late and at the last possible second before the plane takes off. Hurley, then, seems to be playing the role of Charlie, armed with a guitar case that he's later found floating with after they get back to the island. Playing the role of Jack and Sun.... um, ... Jack and Sun. So, with Sayid playing Kate's role, who does Kate play? My theory is that, after her little tryst with Jack the night before, Kate is playing the role of Claire, who, on flight 815, was pregnant. This could also explain why the presence of Baby Aaron is now a moot point.

When all is said and done, at the end of "316" we find at least half of our group made it safely to the island. Similar to the very first few minutes of the series, Jack wakes up in the jungle, but instead of a lacerated left side and an expression of confusion, Jack, leaving behind his sullen, we-have-to-go-baaaaack! ways, and now back to Resident Island Hero status, runs through the jungle to the sound of Hurley's shouts, with a little expression of glee. Jack is back, folks. About damned time.

OK, this post is waaaay long, but a few other points, in no particular order:

• I'm glad Jack finally explained the white running shoes. I died a little on the inside every time I saw Christian wearing them with a suit.
• Jin! ... is working for the Dharma Initiative? Whaaaa? Just where did this little trip through time take us, and by that, I mean to what year?
• Jack's a Man of Faith! Also, about damned time. I secretly enjoyed Locke's stick-it-to-ya "I told you so" suicide note to Jack.
• Yes, Jack, I, too, feel like Locke is somewhere, laughing his ass off at you.
  
• "Where is the plane?" is a very good question, Kate. Did the 6 of them simply disappear off the plane, or did the plane go down? We all know Lapidus' previous claim that he's a damned good pilot, so did he manage to make it to that makeshift runway?
• Where are Sun and Sayid?

Overall, I thought this was an AWESOME episode, and I'm equally excited for next week's "The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham." More answers, please!!

This Place is Death

My apologies for not posting this blog sooner, however, those of you who know me personally can probably guess that the past couple of days have been rather turbulent. With that said...

...Charlotte, fare thee well. We knew ye so little, and fear thee not, we're all so frakkin' pissed that they killed you off, we'll be sending threatening emails to Team Darlton for weeks. 

So, the island's resident redhead bit it this week, but not before confessing to Daniel that yes, in fact, she had been to the island before. Actually, she was born there, and her mum and dad were part of this little thing known as the Dharma Initiative. Well, at least that explains why she was all wide-eyed and wondrous at the sight of that fossilized polar bear last season. And, oh yeah, when she was a kid, and she and her mum were about to leave the island, a scary old man told her never to come back, because she would die. Oh, didn't I mention that that scary old man was YOU, DANIEL FARADAY?

And, that is where I throw in the towel, kids. I, the Queen of All Things (LOST) am completely, 110% confused. I just don't understand. Wouldn't Daniel have a memory of that time when he told CharChar not to come back? Has it not happened yet? But how could it not have happened? Why does Charlotte have such an accelerated demise while people like Miles, Sawyer, and Juliet seem to have the symptoms but aren't collapsing in the jungle and hearing Geronimo Jackson songs? Is Locke affected AT ALL? If not, what is his constant? Why is Christian being all leading-souls-to-the-underworld-like? Is this whole time-jumping thing really happening just because Ben didn't turn the wheel and LOCK IT INTO PLACE? Why doesn't Danielle recognize Jin in season 1 back from when they met back in 1988? Why is she the only one who seems to notice when our time-jumping friends disappear? Does Kate truly think that she is Aaron's mom? Why did Eloise tell Ben that he had to get ALL OF THEM and then, be like, "Ok, well, this is fine, too"? What superpower does Desmond harness that can make his SAILBOAT get from London to LA in a matter of HOURS? And why didn't Ben answer ol' Dezzie's question about also being there to find Daniel's mother? Does Ben not know that Eloise IS Daniel's mother?

Ok, so, people, since I'm a little off-kilter this week, you're going to have to help me out. Post your ideas/theories in the comments, and we'll all get through this together.

Next week: MORE Jate-lovin'. Weeeeeee!

For all the Jate fans...

This week's Entertainment Weekly showcases some Jate lovin'.

P.S. If your mom really loved you, she'd send you the magazine once she was done reading it. Just sayin'. :)