Totally Unnecessary

All of it. Totally unnecessary. Totally.

"Expose" was good. Sort of. Oh, don't get me wrong. It had nothing to do with anything. At first, I thought it was semi-amusing to see some of the most memorable scenes from Nikki and/or Paulo's point of view, but then (like them) it just got annoying. I admit, I laughed when Boone ran up to Nikki asking for a pen. But when the camera panned over to Nikki standing behind Hurley during Jack's "Live Together, Die Alone" speech, it got annoying. That was the point where you could just tell the producers had pretty much just photoshopped the two of them into scenes to (maybe) prove the point that Nikki and Paulo were there all along. Weak.

OK, so apparently that black guy on Nikki's TV show is someone famous. (I'm told.) Not being a sci-fi geek like others I know, (*cough, cough, Ian, cough cough) that was lost on me. Get it? LOST on me. Ahem. Anyway. I don't know how/if/why that's important, but it needed to be mentioned.

Um, what else? Uh, Paulo's a jerk. I don't know, if I had overheard some people I didn't know plotting to kidnap some of the people I'd been hanging out on the beach with for awhile, I might, I don't know, SAY SOMETHING! But then I guess telling would have necessitated explaining why he was down in the Pearl in the first place? Creeeeeeep.

Speaking of creep, Nikki's a creep too. Hanging out with Artz, tossing her titties in people's faces, stealing paralysis-inducing spiders. (Stretch......) I guess the moral of Wednesday's story was... what? Don't be a creep? Don't steal diamonds from old geezers? (Who else threw up in their mouths when she started macking on Grandpa?) Nikki and Paulo should have read "Everything I Need to Know About Life, I Learned in Kindergarten." There are some helpful pointers in there about, you know, not killing people and stuff. Things that, if you followed their teachings, wouldn't end you up (end you up? proper grammar? maybe...) buried alive. Speaking of which....

Oh. Emm. Gee. That was even more Ohh Emm Gee than last week. But in a different Ohh Emm Gee kind of way. This was more of an Ohh Emm Gee That's Freakin' Sick, Dude! Ya know? Though I guess it serves them right. Also, on a final note, the moral of the story is: Don't piss off the audience. If they don't like you, will be killed off. (See: Ana Lucia). Also, don't drink and drive, kids, that, too, will end in your untimely demise on this show. (See: Ana Lucia, Libby, Mr. Eko.) Is anyone else seeing the pattern here: New people die. Take the hint, Misters Lindelof and Cuse: we don't like new people, stick with the ones you got (with the exception of a few blonde Australians and English Hobbits), and you'll do fine.

Anyway. Next week, Kate and Juliet will wrestle in the jungle (for Jack's heart? Mayyyybe). In the rain. Sort of a Island-Wet-T-shirt contest, I think. (I'm guessing LOST's ratings go up significantly in the 18-25 males category...) The name of the episode is "Left Behind" and is Kate centric. I'm sure I'll go into more detail next week, but is this title perhaps a clue? The Left Behind book series by That Guy Whose Name I Forget Right Now deals with a post-apocalyptic world, where those who were "left behind" (i.e., those not granted access to the pearly gates). Theorists, go!

Um, that's all for now, folks. Any thoughts?