"I Do"

OK, I was way off! (Samsonite!) While pondering how producers would leave us hanging for the next 12 weeks (!!!) many scenarios came to mind, and the one that I liked the most (concocted with help from my baby's daddy) went something like this:

(cue dramatic music) Pickett has Sawyer kneeling on the ground, gun pointed in his whiskered face. Kate stands by helplessly, restrained by some other Other. As Pickett cocks his gun, Sawyer, knowing the end is near, orders Kate to close her eyes, attempting to spare her the brutal image which is surely forthcoming. The scene fades to black, and we hear a gunshot, followed by Kate's incoherent scream just before "LOST" flashes eerily across the screen.

Personally, I think my ending was much better than the one the writers came up with. Think about it: with my ending, the possibilities are endless, a sort of "Who shot J.R.?" cliffhanger. (By the by, who did shoot J.R.? Dallas was a bit before my time...) Let's see... just to name a few... well, the most obvious, Pickett does, indeed, shoot Sawyer, or, ohh, even better, Pickett shoots Kate to avenge his beloved Colleen's death. Other possibilities include Sawyer somehow getting control of the gun and shooting Pickett, or heck, even Sayid and Locke bursting through the brush, guns blazing.

I should totally move two hours north and become a writer for LOST. I'd be so much better at it than these guys.

Anyway, since none of that stuff actually did happen, I suppose I should go ahead and address those events which actually did unfold. One of the questions that came out of Sawyer and Kate's game of Never Have I Ever ("Never have I ever, ever, EVER, never ever!" ... hee, hee, oh college) in Season 1's "Tabula Rasa" was finally answered. Recall from that episode that Sawyer's claim, "I've never been married" is something to which Kate lifts her glass (mini alcohol bottle). Flash forward to this season, and we find out that Kate, or rather, Monica, the alias she appears to be using, was married, to a Miami cop named Kevin (played by Nathan Fillion). OK, first issue: Why would you, if you were a fugitive from the law, marry a cop?! Second issue: WHY would you call up the marshal who was chasing you? Doy. Third issue: If Ka-- Monica was as in love with Kevin as much as she claimed to have been, why not just come clean, pay your penance, and, (for the love of Jack Shepard) STOP RUNNING?! Good grief, Charlie Brown! (hmm.... Charlie? Nah, I guess that name's already taken. Besides, wouldn't want to name my child after an annoying hobbit, anyway.) With that, we come back to the present, and Kate is yet again face with the fight-or-flight option, and the "fall season finale" (pssh) cliffhanger made it seem that she was (finally!) about to stop running and fight.

I don't buy it for a second.

Here's why: I don't think Kate is in love with Sawyer. I think she certainly has feelings for him (how else could you stand to have crazy jungle sex smelling the way you do?!) but I don't think she reciprocates Sawyer's love. (One thing I will give the writers credit for is Sawyer's love confession.... how heart-wrenchingly craptastic... "Well, I love you, too." OH, break my heart!) Kate doesn't even answer Sawyer's question: "When Blockhead was beating on me, you only said 'I love you' to get him to stop, right?" Um, holy unfeeling heartless wench, Batman! Hello?! A kiss is not an answer, and for the Skaters who seems to think so, wake up! If anything, that seemed to me to be more evasive than affirmative. Wench. Another thing: When Jack sets his scheme in motion, and gives Kate the opportunity to run, she says no, claiming, " I won't leave without you." At that point, she's talking to Jack. She won't leave without Jack.

Go ahead, argue with me on this one. Prove to me that Kate loves Sawyer. I'll fight you. Jate 4-eva.

Uh, p.s., Jack. It would be a really bad idea to actually let Benry die. Because then, Pickett would become even more PO'd, and I don't think Tom would be too happy, either. And Juliet's a wuss, she wouldn't be able to protect you. They'd probably just kill you after Benry flatlined anyway.

Johnny Locke's onto something. My spidey-sense tells me he'll be heading north.

Questions to ponder for the next 12 weeks:
1) Did The Others really kill Carl?
2) Is Alex really "one of them?"
3) How effective is a slingshot against semi-automatic loaded weapons?
4) Who is Patch-in-the-Hatch?
5) Will Jack actually grow the testicles to let Benry die? (Remember this is the same doctor guy who wouldn't even put the marshal out of his misery!)
6) When will Sawyer stop being everyone's punching bag?
7) Where the heck are Jin and Sun? How about Mrs. Klugh?
8) Why are Charlie and Claire still alive?
9) How will Desmond's powers prove to be either helpful or hurtful?
10) Who the heck are Nikki and Paulo, and why do we care about them?
11) How will the relationship between Jack and Juliet develop?
12) Will Kate run?
13) Why haven't J.J. Abrams and/or Carlton Cuse called to offer me a writing job yet? :(

Check back periodically over the next 3 months. I'll be posting any info I come across between midnight feeding and changing diapers.

See you in February!

P.S. Feed my ego, people! Leave comments! Let's discuss! :)

The Cost of Living

So I guess the way things work on the LOST set goes a little something like this: if the Honolulu Police Department has your mug shot on file, you can kiss your gig on LOST goodbye. As such, this week we bid adieu to Mr. Eko, played by Adewale Amumbojumbo Abunchofletters, or Triple A for those of whose Nigerian needs some work.

Dare I make the claim that LOST is falling into a pattern, nay, even becoming (dare I say it?!) predictable? (Gasp!) With such an audacious claim, let me back it up with a little history before you jump all over me. Think back to Shannon's death. Prior to the airing of the episode, it was highly publicized that someone was going to die, that it was going to be shocking, and people (read: me) would have anxiety problems for weeks both before and after the show aired. Right before the broadcast, audiences learned that the episode would feature Shannon's flashbacks, and guess what?! at the end, it was Shannon herself who bit the dust. Now, fast forward a few months in the season: Cynthia Watros and Michelle Rodriguez are arrested within minutes of each other on DWI charges. Weeks later, in an episode that features the flashbacks of Ana-Lucia (Rodriguez), both women's characters are killed off in the final minutes of an episode that left jaws across the country dropped in disbelief. Here and now, mere weeks after Adewale Amumbojumbo Abunchofletters was arrested, an Eko-centric episode features the death of the not-quite-right priest. (Man those writers work quickly!) So, are you picking up what I'm dropping here? My Spidey-sense is telling me that for future reference, if there is a highly-publicized teaser that someone is going to kick it, just look to whose flashbacks the episode will feature and you'll pretty much have your answer.

Sigh. All that worrying for nothing. Contrary to the information leaked prior to the actual airing of the episode, I don't think Eko's death will have a resounding effect on the rest of the season. I do have to say, however, that I am rather disappointed by last night's turn of events. Eko's death was the end of the Tailie era, an era that, in my opinion, ended way too soon. I mean, for the love of Jack Shepard, the Tailies were the primary focus of last season, and by killing the last one off, they're practically screaming that almost the entirety of season two was irrelevant to anything. (And, let's face it, Bernard is not exactly a pivotal character on this show...) Grrrrrr....

OK, on to the episode itself. Contrary to last week when the previews purposely mislead viewers in a completely different direction, this week the previews actually proved to have some worth, and were, shockingly enough, in line with the episode itself. Benry is the one with the spinal tumor! How about that?! In the beginning, he denies it to Jack, but we find out after The Others send Colleen's burning funeral pyre out to sea (tsk, tsk, they obviously didn't get the memo about wearing white after Labor Day) that the x-rays actually do belong to the Artist Formerly Known as Henry Gale. With this revelation comes the unraveling of Benry's Great Plan: to get Jack to perform surgery by converting to The Other wasy of thinking by becoming "invested" with The Others. (i.e., by getting it on with Juliet.) P.S. THANK YOU, BENRY! I have maintained from the beginning of this season that Juliet looks a little too much like Jack's ex-wife, Sarah, for comfort. I definitely agree with EW that the best scene of the night was the one that took place between Jack and Juliet that shows Juliet starring in a homemade movie (NOT of the Paris Hilton variety, mind you!) holding signs negating everything she is saying to Jack about how Benry is a good man, how he deserves to live, blah blah blah, and why Jack can, in good faith, perform the life-saving surgery. How sneaky. Of the most interest, I think, is this: one of Juliet's signs says but that . Those statements seem to suggest that Benry is, in fact, "in charge," as Juliet so adamantly denied last week. However, why does it need to appear that Benry's death on the table was accidental? Is there, in fact, someone of higher authority than Benry? Is it "Him?" Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Sayid seems to have made it back to the beach unscathed and none the worse for wear. No sign of Jin and/or Sun though, however, no mention is made that they didn't make it back as well. Story's pretty much the same: Eko's alive albeit unconscious. After Hurley, Charlie, and Sayid leave the tent, an apparition of Eko's brother, Yemi, appears to tell Eko that it is time to make his confession and be judged. (Boy, if that isn't indicative of impending doom, I'm not sure what is!) Then he sets Eko's tent on fire. Or something. Either way, Eko wakes up, and heads for the Beechcraft in the jungle to find Yemi. Meanwhile, after a huddle with Sayid and Desmond, Locke and Co. (including irritating newcomers Nikki and Paulo, who still remain utterly useless) decide to "kill two birds [with] one stone," heading to the Pearl station in an attempt to use the computer to contact The Others and svae Jack, Kate, and Sawyer, and, oh, yeah, find Eko while they're at it, since the aforementioned Beechcraft is right next to the Pearl Station. How convenient.

On his trek through the jungle, Eko continues to have delusions (hmmm, who else had delusions right before she died? Oh yeah, Shannon!!) from his past as he is stalked by the smoke monster. After the fantastic five catch up with Eko, he and Locke compare notes on Smokey, having been the only two on the island to actually see this thing. While Locke saw a "beautiful" bright light, as Eko notes, "That is NOT what I saw." Okay.... so.... are there two different monsters? *Shrugs* Yes, please, raise even more questions through which we have to muddle!! Fantastic. I read a theory somewhere that the smoke monster is a shape shifter, evidenced by the fact that after Eko refuses to confess, citing that he has not sinned, but rather only done what was necessary to survive, his confessor, Yemi, turns into the monster, slaps Eko around for awhile, then retreats, leaving a broken and dying Eko in little bloody pieces (ok, not actual pieces, but you know what I mean) on the ground. O-kay, that's a bit of a stretch, but then again, what on this show isn't?

Since I'm starting to get carpal tunnel syndrome from this post, I'll begin to wrap it up. First, Man With Eyepatch: Creeeeepy! I'm also kind of confused as to where, exactly, he is. The Pearl is an observation station that observes the activities of The Swan, where the numbers were entered, and it certainly looks like The Swan from all the machinery in the background, but after the implosion, it didn't look like there was much left... unless EyeGuy was already there!! (OK, that's probably the biggest stretch of big stretches, but whatever.) I'm not really sure what Locke meant when he said "I guess he'll be expecting us," but I can only assume that it means another adventure walk is forthcoming. Oh, and EyeGuy had a Dharma patch on his shirt.

Finally, what are we supposed to make of Eko's last words, "We're (or was it 'You're') next?" I'm not entirely convinced it should be taken literally, as in Locke, Sayid, Desmond, Nikki, and Paulo are in present and immediate danger, since, if they were, wouldn't future-tastic Desmond know about it? Maybe it's just me, but if I could see the future, and I knew that I were "next," I might opt out trekking through the jungle and stay on the beach, skipping stones with Hurley gazing on, or rigging up more lightening rods to save the lives of annoying and utterly useless hobbits and their girlfriends.

After seeing next week's previews, it looks like Kate will be making her "choice." Sigh. Still holding out hope for Jate, though, still holding out. I'll never let go, Jack, I'll never let go. Oh, oops, sorry, wrong show.