316

They're baaaaaaa-ack. Months and months after we first heard bearded Jack screaming at Kate "We have to go baaaaack!" the O6ers (in one form or another) have finally made it back to the island.

This week's semi-Jack-centric episode, titled "316" for more than one obvious reason (more on that later), picked up right where we left off in last week's "This Place is Death": in the church above Ms. Hawking's secret lair, which we later find out to be an off-island Dharma station named "The Lamp-Post."

Now, like everything else in LOST, the naming of this station is not random and coincidental. It has been largely speculated that the naming of this station is a nod to C.S. Lewis' (and no, I don't mean Charlotte Staples Lewis) The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, in which the lamp-post marks the return to Narnia. In Lewis' work, the lamp-post is the first thing the children see when they stumble out of the wardrobe and into the mythic world of Narnia. Similarly, when the children become lost (LOST!), the lamp-post serves to guide them back home. God, I love this show.

Moving on, Ben, Jack, Sun, and Desmond follow Ms. Hawking down to The Lamp-Post, where Ms. Hawking proceeds to spew her theories on how the O6ers can make it back to the island. She also gives us a few other goody tidbits: The Island was always moving. "Why do you think you were never rescued?" Ms Hawking, all-knowing, intones. Desmond, however, wants no part of it; as incredulous as he is that these fools want to go back to the island, he becomes even more enraged when Ms. Hawking has the audacity to suggest that he, too, will one day find himself back on the Island once again. His outburst "These people are just using us! They are playing some kind of game and we are just the pieces!" just before storming out in a huff prompts her ominous "The island isn't done with you yet, Desmond!" (Sidenote: I would love to see some blooper footage of this dramatic scene that involves Desmond getting knocked out or over by that swinging pendulum, because, clearly, that was all I was thinking about while he nonchanantly strode through the door, apparently oblivious to aforementioned pendulum.) Desmond's claim may not be far off-base, though, because seriously, how many times have we all been duped by these characters?! Ms. Hawking even says so herself when questioned by Jack as to whether or not Ben is telling the truth (in what I dub the Line of the Night): "Probably not."

Well, duh! Ben is NEVER telling the truth! Example? OK! When Jack asks him, "How can you read?" whilst they're hurtling toward the time-jumping island (apparently now located near Guam), Ben cooly replies, "My mother taught me." Oh yeah, Ben? Your mother taught you?! The same mother WHO DIED WHILE GIVING BIRTH TO YOU? Is it physically impossible for Ben to tell the truth? Because I'm starting to be waaaaaay over this. Also, people are drawing many theories from what it actually was that Ben was reading on that flight. While Ben was turning the pages on James Joyce's Ulysses, based on the epic poem by Homer, "Odesseyus," in which an ill-fated sailor tackles many obstacles trying to make his way back home to his beloved wifey, Penelope (sound like anyone else we know?!), LOST theorists were spinning their own thoughts, most of which were waaaay over my head.

But speaking of Penny, what's she been up to? It would seem that Ben's ominous "I have to take care of some outstanding business" schtick would seemingly involve him making good on his promise to Chucky Widmore to bring Penny to a premature demise. Did things not go too well for him in that attempt, and was that why he was all banged up and sling-sporting on the plane, or did he, alternatively, have a run-in with Smokey? My bet is on the former...

Other mysteries loom in this episode, too. Like for instance, how horrible a mother is Sun? Did she not just tell her daughter Ji-Yeon that she'd be home soon, then the next minute is hopping a plane to "Guam"? And speaking of horrible mothers, WTF is wrong with Kate? What did she do with/to Aaron? (My thinking is that she's all despondent-like because she found herself forced to drop him off with her mother, with whom she still has serious issues. Either that, or she tracked down Cassidy and Clementine, and is brooding over lost-love Sawyer again. MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND, WOMAN!) And really, Jack, were you just so absolutely not endeared by YOUR NEPHEW in the least, that if Kate agreed to have sex with you, you'd totally honor her request to never ever ever ask about Aaron? You're such a putz, I swear. Also, how did Hurley and Sayid know about the plane? How did Hurley get out of jail in time to get on the plane? And even though Ben's response to Jack's inquiry about what would happen to the rest of the passenger's on the plane was a chilling "Who cares?!" I would actually like to know that myself. Did they, along with the guy behind Jack in line at the airport and the female corrections officer escorting Sayid somewhere, decide to go all commando-like and shoot up Sawyer and Juliet on their outrigger? (Recall, if you will that the second boat on the beach a few weeks back had an Ajira Airlines water bottle in it...) Did Ben know in advance that this was how he would get back to the island, and was that why he had Kate and Sawyer helping to build a runway back when they were the Others' prisoners in season 3? How convenient is it that Locke and Jack's dad wear the same size shoe?!

Whew.

OK, now, let's talk about flight 316, and the claim Ms. Hawking made that the O6ers had to recreate, as closely as possible, the circumstances and siuations that got them to the island in the first palce...

First of all, flight 316. Is the flight number some thinly-veiled reference to one of the Bible's most recognized passages?: "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." Does this further the idea that the Christian Shepherd himself has sent HIS only begotten son, Dr. Jack, back to the island to be the salvation of the rest of the survivors?

Ok, now onto the O6ers themselves. With Ms. Hawking's claim to remain as true to the circumstances surronding their original trip to TimeTrip Island ringing fresh in their ears, we got a nice dose of it in the end. Playing the role of the pilot: everyone's favorite helo guy, Frank Lapidus! (Sans nasty beard.) Playing the role of Katie Fugitive: Sayid, handcuffed and escorted by a (supposedly armed -- remember my claim that she later goes a'shootin' at Sawyer and Juliet? Well, she's gonna need a gun for that, isn't she?) federal agent. Playing the role of Hurley: Ben, arriving late and at the last possible second before the plane takes off. Hurley, then, seems to be playing the role of Charlie, armed with a guitar case that he's later found floating with after they get back to the island. Playing the role of Jack and Sun.... um, ... Jack and Sun. So, with Sayid playing Kate's role, who does Kate play? My theory is that, after her little tryst with Jack the night before, Kate is playing the role of Claire, who, on flight 815, was pregnant. This could also explain why the presence of Baby Aaron is now a moot point.

When all is said and done, at the end of "316" we find at least half of our group made it safely to the island. Similar to the very first few minutes of the series, Jack wakes up in the jungle, but instead of a lacerated left side and an expression of confusion, Jack, leaving behind his sullen, we-have-to-go-baaaaack! ways, and now back to Resident Island Hero status, runs through the jungle to the sound of Hurley's shouts, with a little expression of glee. Jack is back, folks. About damned time.

OK, this post is waaaay long, but a few other points, in no particular order:

• I'm glad Jack finally explained the white running shoes. I died a little on the inside every time I saw Christian wearing them with a suit.
• Jin! ... is working for the Dharma Initiative? Whaaaa? Just where did this little trip through time take us, and by that, I mean to what year?
• Jack's a Man of Faith! Also, about damned time. I secretly enjoyed Locke's stick-it-to-ya "I told you so" suicide note to Jack.
• Yes, Jack, I, too, feel like Locke is somewhere, laughing his ass off at you.
  
• "Where is the plane?" is a very good question, Kate. Did the 6 of them simply disappear off the plane, or did the plane go down? We all know Lapidus' previous claim that he's a damned good pilot, so did he manage to make it to that makeshift runway?
• Where are Sun and Sayid?

Overall, I thought this was an AWESOME episode, and I'm equally excited for next week's "The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham." More answers, please!!

This Place is Death

My apologies for not posting this blog sooner, however, those of you who know me personally can probably guess that the past couple of days have been rather turbulent. With that said...

...Charlotte, fare thee well. We knew ye so little, and fear thee not, we're all so frakkin' pissed that they killed you off, we'll be sending threatening emails to Team Darlton for weeks. 

So, the island's resident redhead bit it this week, but not before confessing to Daniel that yes, in fact, she had been to the island before. Actually, she was born there, and her mum and dad were part of this little thing known as the Dharma Initiative. Well, at least that explains why she was all wide-eyed and wondrous at the sight of that fossilized polar bear last season. And, oh yeah, when she was a kid, and she and her mum were about to leave the island, a scary old man told her never to come back, because she would die. Oh, didn't I mention that that scary old man was YOU, DANIEL FARADAY?

And, that is where I throw in the towel, kids. I, the Queen of All Things (LOST) am completely, 110% confused. I just don't understand. Wouldn't Daniel have a memory of that time when he told CharChar not to come back? Has it not happened yet? But how could it not have happened? Why does Charlotte have such an accelerated demise while people like Miles, Sawyer, and Juliet seem to have the symptoms but aren't collapsing in the jungle and hearing Geronimo Jackson songs? Is Locke affected AT ALL? If not, what is his constant? Why is Christian being all leading-souls-to-the-underworld-like? Is this whole time-jumping thing really happening just because Ben didn't turn the wheel and LOCK IT INTO PLACE? Why doesn't Danielle recognize Jin in season 1 back from when they met back in 1988? Why is she the only one who seems to notice when our time-jumping friends disappear? Does Kate truly think that she is Aaron's mom? Why did Eloise tell Ben that he had to get ALL OF THEM and then, be like, "Ok, well, this is fine, too"? What superpower does Desmond harness that can make his SAILBOAT get from London to LA in a matter of HOURS? And why didn't Ben answer ol' Dezzie's question about also being there to find Daniel's mother? Does Ben not know that Eloise IS Daniel's mother?

Ok, so, people, since I'm a little off-kilter this week, you're going to have to help me out. Post your ideas/theories in the comments, and we'll all get through this together.

Next week: MORE Jate-lovin'. Weeeeeee!

For all the Jate fans...

This week's Entertainment Weekly showcases some Jate lovin'.

P.S. If your mom really loved you, she'd send you the magazine once she was done reading it. Just sayin'. :)

The Little Prince

LOST LESSON NUMERO UNO: Always pay attention to the "Previously, on LOST..." segments. They will provide all your answers.

Or maybe just MOST of them. Because, honestly, after seeing that, who DIDN'T know that it was going to be Claire's mom hanging in the hotel room? (Maybe it was just me, but that hotel looked an awful lot like the one in which Locke met up with his dad way back when...) But, as usual, LOST threw out the red herring to throw us off the scent. (Ew. Scent. Fish. Bad metaphor, Clegg!)

So anyway, last night's "The Little Prince" gave those of us who were about to start bleeding our brains out our noses, too, time to slow down and figure out WTF (what the frak) is going on. Charlotte came to, only a little worse for wear after her face plant last week, but was ultimately joined by both Miles and Juliet later in the episode in the nosebleed department. The castaways also did their fair share of time jumping last night: their transfer from 1954 jumped ahead to by 50 years to 2004, about a month after their crash landing on the island to the night Boone died, Aaron was born, and Locke was demanding answers from the Hatch. After hearing screaming in the jungle, Sawyer trekked ahead to investigate, only to peep in on Kate delivering Claire's little bundle-o-joy. After his somber peep show, the castaways jumped to a point in time after the O6 left the island. Someone else seemingly has shown up, however, as indicated by an Ajira Airlines water bottle stowed in the outrigger they stumbled upon on the now-reappeared beach camp. Then, whilst rowing said outrigger to the Orchid station, where Locke wants to see what's what, they jump again back to 1988, when 16 years old and pregnant Danielle Rousseau and her band of merry scientist men are shipwrecked on the island.

Through all that, the castaways have realized the need to talk it out. (I swear, some of the moments between people last night could have made for some serious therapy sessions.) Locke and Sawyer dwell on the past, and how it has affected their present/future, and ultimately, (as Sawyer later tells Juliet) what's "done is done." Daniel seems to know more about Miles than he's letting on: after Miles reveals that he, too, is bleeding from his brain, Daniel lets on that Miles has (most likely) been to the island before, providing more fodder for the message boards that Miles is Marvin Chang's baby, and was born on the island. Juliet and Sawyer have a heart-to-heart, after which she, an island-dwelling Other for years on end, starts nosebleed-ing, too. My question on that is this: Was her feel-good convo with Sawyer the thing that started her decline? We all know that their relationship is moving toward expanding the love triangle on the island, but after Sawyer pretty much professes his undying love for Kate, does that start to unravel constant-less Juliet?

Meanwhile, the O6 are getting along just swimmingly. And by "swimmingly," (do I get extra points for using it TWICE?!) I mean totally not so. Kate tries to strike a bargain with the lawyer (who has made a stunning recovery from his death by chemical-plant insecticide on last week's 24!) out for her and Aaron's blood, Sayid has his hands full trying to avoid another dose of horse tranqulizer darts, Hurley's kickin' it in a bright orange jumpsuit, Sun's playing babysitter (remind me never to leave my child with a vengeful, pistol-toting woman who's going to let him loose on the candy in the mini-bar and plop him in front of the TV) to Aaron while Kate stalks the lawyer, and Jack's busy trying to make Kate trust him again, while almost cluing Claire's mom in on something (namely, that that famous kid is her grandson!) about which she has no clue. Fast forward to the end, and all the above mentioned folks (with the exception of Hurley, of course) meet up on the docks of Long Beach with the world's winningest master manipulator, Ben. Kate (finally) puts two and two together and realize that it's Ben siccing the law on her, then the camera cuts to Sun, clutching her chocolate-box pistol ready to bust a move.

The show closes with answering a burning question: JIN IS ALIVE! YAY! Though, he must not understand as much English as he thought, because did that woman just say her name was DANIELLE ROUSSEAU? I have to admit, although I totally knew it was Jin floating all Leo-like before the shipwrecked crew flipped him over.

Overall, a good let's-talk-this-out episode, but after last night, I'm ready for some more mind-blowing action next week. Bring it, LOST, bring it on.